I drove into Hood River (through White Salmon, down the hill, over the bridge, etc) today. As I was driving I started this conversation with my Self. It went something like this:
Self: If you're not addicted to alcohol, why do you drink?
I answered: That is a great question! I literally couldn't be happier, so, it's not that I am unhappy or depressed. I live by myself, so no one is leaving underwear on the floor or not cleaning the bathroom or doing their share of the dishes. That's enough for me to celebrate. I don't know, maybe I don't believe that it is so much an addiction as a habit. I know that some days I come home and all I want is a nice cold beer or martini because I have had a distressing day at work. Nothing I won't get over but until I do, I won't be relaxing or sleeping. It's like a short cut to comfort. And a habit-not an addiction. Other days, I sit in front of the fireplace and knit first or give the cat a good rubbing.
Self: Well, then, why not just quit?
I answered: Well, I have before. And I could, but, not sure why I would. I rarely drink to excess (unless I am around my family and they love to drink together) I do my best not to finish a bottle of Champagne by myself-in the same night. And that is all I am going to share on that topic. These days there is so much stigma around drinking and guilt. Typical of society to complain and attack the symptoms rather than address the deeper causes. It drives the mild drinkers underground and we tend to lie about it to our doctors. Who wants your medical records to say "drinks 1-5 drinks a day". People read that shit and can form an opinion.
Self: I can see this is an interesting subject for you.
I answered: Well, look around you. Everywhere you look there are vineyards, in fact pretty much every state grows grapes. There are thousands of US labelled wines. I gave up drinking it because it all tastes the same and it will NEVER be the wine that one can get in France or Spain, even Argentina. But, boy it is everywhere. Whoa! I am way off on a tangent-sorry.
Self: Do you think you drink too much?
I answered: I do not. I have in the past, when I was sad, unhappy, frustrated and angry. I definitely tried to drown my sorrows, but after a while I resented the days I was missing because I was hung over. Self made unwanted time off. I could have been biking , cleaning, anything. Way to much time could be wasted being trashed all the time.
Self: What's changed?
I answered: I see more. Sounds crazy, I know, but now I have time to actually see the world more closely. And I take more time to get out in it, many times alone, to just get a nature fix. I feel so much gratitude for the blessed life I live and have lived, even the sad times. They all brought me to where I am right now and this is good. Deserves a cocktail!
The end!
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