Why One Reads a Good Book More than Once and wtf is She-Go

"Women have more power than we know. When we truly understand the game for what it is 

and deepen our awareness of the most dangerous forms of female

  oppression-emotional and psychological-then we are on our way to genuine liberation.

 It does not help to blame anyone. What we can do is face the truth. 

And any truth faced is closer to realization. 

True change doesn't emerge from action; 

 it emerges from genuine understanding."

Marianne Williamson-"A Woman's Worth"

I just finished re-reading this book. It was written in 1993, more than 20 years ago and has more relevance today than it could have then. Yet back then it blew my mind. She was speaking to the potential for the future. She was saying out loud what even today many still whisper. 

We. as mothers, sisters, lovers, humans, need to be loud. Not in a screaming, bitchy way, but with strength from within us. Start small, if you must, but speak up to injustice you see and hear about our sisters. It does not matter that they are politically misaligned from your beliefs, or their skin is a different hue than yours, or that they come from another world than you do. We have all been held back because we are women. Rich, poor, famous, infamous, silent, loud, we are all calling for each others help to awaken. To expose the Divine strength of our core, the Goddess within. 

As little girls we knew her, we read her stories, we whispered to her, we shared our misgivings with her. She was our shadow, our inner voice, our favorite doll. She understood us as no one else did. She was our secret. She reassured us when we were scared, soothed us to sleep at night when the lights were out and we were alone. She was our divine Self. 

Then, she became the heroine of the books we read. She became the glittery face on TV, the superstars of fame and fortune. And she was no longer inside us, in fact, she became a flicker of a flame we no longer needed. Quickly she was replaced by the she-ego or she-go for short. The critic, the complainer. Without the strength of that divine goddess; she-go raged. She started  telling you things and untruths. "She's a LOT prettier than you." "She is SO much more popular than you are." "You're being HYSTERICAL." "You're too SENSITIVE."  "You're a woman, women don't get jobs like that." And you started to believe her. You started sucking it up and the divine voice inside you became quiet. If divine feminine inside wasn't getting you what you needed, well she-go recommended to toughen up, workout to the core, be smarter, stronger (in an outwardly way) and buck up. All ploys to remind you you weren't worth it. You would probably fail.

Again from "A Woman's Worth":

"The  Romanian dictator Ceausescu argued that

armies and weapons were not necessary to keep people down 

as long as they are kept scared enough.

And this is how women are oppressed in our society. 

We are afraid  to allow ourselves to blossom fully because of the general 

disapproval that fills our air whenever 

a "little lady" forgets her place."

Men's greatest fear is that women will run the world as they have. This just is not possible. And furthermore, why would be we? As long as men have been in charge of the worlds affairs there has been ongoing war. And war is profitable and presently, it's all about the money. And the outcry from women all over the world is STOP KILLING OUR CHILDREN. 

We must get in touch with that divine Self and nurture her back to health. She is your intuition, your empathy, your  depth, the very real mother warrior in you. No matter where you come from or what you do, or what your past has to do with it, that divine Self is there waiting to birth you back to your power. She waits for you to smile that smile of knowing. She wants to feel that inner flame turn to a blaze. She wishes you to be the Love that you have always been.She wants you to share it, not just with those you know and love but with everyone and everything. Practice everyday saying it to everything. "I love that little bird, I love that breeze, I love the sweet smell of lilacs, I love you Self (in front of a mirror is best;), I love you Mother Earth, I love you God/Goddess." Love everything and you will find the Goddess in you will arrive and return you your Sceptre or magic wand if you chose. Love your sisters because we are all in this change together. Be kind to everyone. Know that in doing so, you will change the world. Never let them hold you down. You are meant for greatness!

Anger, Guilt and the Bag of Rocks

In the Course in Miracles it says, "All anger is nothing more than an attempt to make someone else feel guilty..." This is such a powerful statement!  It makes so much sense! Because I know it is true for me, I know when I am angry I am looking for someone else to be responsible for it. "Guilty as charged! It's because of you I'm feeling this way." REALLY!?!?!? I once actually believed that what someone said or did had the effect of controlling how I felt. I even gave them permission to control me by not owning my own ability to chose how to say no. As a women, I'd say I chose to play small. Now this. This whole idea of the relationship between anger and guilt is mind boggling! And yet.....?

I have always wanted to understand what anger is all about. I used to have this post card back in the late 70's that said, "So much time is wasted being angry". I loved it although I did not really understand it yet. Anger is the fire in my belly feeling that gets our juices stirred up. Anger was these huge bursts of energy releasing all this pent up frustration from the woes and resentments of my life. I wanted to hang on to it fiercely. And it was almost always followed by tears of rage and injustice. And many times guilt. My own guilt, I thought. Guilt for "losing control", for going "bitch" on someone. Huge guilt about expressing my inner thoughts in an outward, totally chaotic way. And that, of course, was followed by shame. Shame for "not holding it together, not being strong", according to someone else's rules. When I was old enough to take it outside, I'd go to the beach at night and rage out loud. I'd rage in my car. And in the end I'd feel the quilt and shame as though I did not have the right to express it. And I'd simmer down and go back to life. And I'd still be holding on it.
 I can remember a cold and stormy winter night after my mom died, standing out in the snow screaming at God and raging about the things that were happening and finally falling to my knees and saying to the Universe,"Help me, help me find my way through this. Help me to understand. I surrender."  The storm raged on and I got up and went inside. I felt quiet. I slept through the night for the first time in months. Something in me had shifted. The weight of my anger just wasn't there anymore. I was open and willing to explore now. Within days, I was introduced to the Course in Miracles.

Anger is of the ego. It is the ego's number one tool to control us. Some of us respond to our inconsiderate past with anger. We feel we have a right to be angry, "how could he do this, why doesn't he admit that...., why doesn't she listen..." and we set these high (and I mean HIGH) standards for what we believe to be the "right" way that someone in our past should have behaved. We hang on because we believe that we must understand it and we don't. Some times, we don't get to understand why people do the things they do. So how long should we hang on to it?  We tell people we have a righteous right to our anger and we hang on to the story for dear life. In the big picture, we must ask ourselves, "How does this clinging to the past injustices and anger serve me?" And even more interesting, "How does it serve the greater good?" 

More than likely, most of us deep down want to know, "How do I get past this?" If you are asking this question, you are on the path of truth. And the easiest, and most valuable way to do this is to learn to forgive. Jesus said, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do". Forgiveness is the way to a deeper Love within ourselves. Love leads us to peace and ultimately, understanding.  It is the healing art of God.

Each and everyone of us screws up to some degree in someone's eyes-most often, our own. And we have this delusion that we might have done it differently. But we didn't and that's a fact. Not good, not bad, just is. Some days, I say to myself, "I forgive me for not forgiving myself earlier on this one". Something comes up and I think, "Why am I even thinking about this, it happened years ago." The answer is, we are a work in progress and in order to live a full life we must move beyond the old stuff. That means letting go of the feelings and negative thoughts we have about something in the past that can not be changed. We must make room for the good stuff coming our way. So when anger shows up, it is just another opportunity to look more closely at the lessons there and to release and move on. It is not to say that all anger is not appropriate, it is to say that if you are holding on after more than a few hours, it is a waste of your energy and heart space. Richard Bach said, again, back in the 70's in his book Johnathan Livingston Seagull, "Every problems has a gift for you in its hands". Look for the gift in your anger and let it go.

I often refer to our 'stuff' as the bag of rocks we carry around with us. Like an old coal miner with his bag of dirty coal over his shoulder, we carry our old stuff around until we decide to let it go. I say, every once in a while, put that bag down and pull out one of those rocks (grievance, resentment, grudge, blame or the story you wrap around it) and take a good look at it. Define the real issue with it, ask yourself if it's worth all the pain you have bestowed on it, or  the years of misery. It's a rock and thrown hard enough can cause pain, yet, right now it is just a rock in your hand that once hurt you. It has no power over you anymore except the power you give it. Get rid of it, bury it in your back yard, throw it across the fence, add it to your garden decor, but let it go. And if this seems to be too much for you, ask those questions, "How is this rock (anger, resentment, story) serving me?"  Create a ceremony if you want, say a prayer of release and send it into a lake, river or ocean. Bless it, throw it and then sit back and see how much room you have made in your heart for the light of love to enter. And it will come. Your heart is meant to be filled with Love. It is your divine right. When you open your heart to it, you will see it everywhere. Love is all around you.

Pick an issue that you choose to feel angry about, be it a work related issue, a family issue, how someone spoke to you, anything that causes you to feel anger, resentment, shame , guilt, or pain.

Think about these questions:

• How long have I been carrying this?
• Who is really guilty here? And why?
• What is really important about this situation for me that keeps it so present?
• How does holding on to this event, anger, story help me today?
• If I could feel any other way, how would I choose to feel about it?
• Is there any way I could change what happened in the past?
• What would happen if I silently ask for guidance to forgive the situation?
• When will I decide that now is a good time to let it go forever?
• Do I need to be angry or can I chose peace instead?