Happy Mother's Day to my Goddess friends!
I hope that you are surrounded by love and light from family and loved ones or, like me, you are infused with the love of all the women in the world loving you from near and far. I send out love and light to you all. As I sit here at my computer in Hood River I look through the eyes of love to every family I see walking by.
I think back with enormous gratitude for all the beautiful births I witnessed and the power of women that were becoming mother's for the first time as well as again. What a gift!!!! Every single person I see came from a mother, a Goddess, a believer, a saint, someone who looked down upon them at their birth with awe and love and connection. In thirty plus years I rarely saw anything else. Those magic moments being present to the Goddess in each one, I am eternally grateful to each woman for the courage and strength it takes to give birth to another human spirit.
Motherhood evaded me, it was not my plan, I thought I'd have a bucket of kids. Not that I did not love a bundle of them, oh yes I did. I thank my friends and family for sharing their babies with me. I learned so much from these sweet children, I learned about the love of a child. I learned the preciousness of a tender hug, a sigh of release after a tearful tumble, the sweet smell of a tired child in my arms. Yes, I loved me a few!!
And life happened, I moved around the country, I had freedom to travel and see the world. It was what I worked for, to see, to learn, to experience life in other countries and through books, each countries history. I admired art in every country from museums to street art, beads, etchings, paintings, tiles, pottery, jewelry. My home a collection of my memories and experiences. I followed a path to spiritual awakening, and I began to understand the world I inhabit. I shared this all with my mom. We shared many things.
She was a risk taker, too. She courageously met and married a man who lived in Central America, he was a pilot (as was her stepfather and stepbrother) and she moved to Nicaragua. Brave! For the next fourteen years she lived and brought to this world four children. And when it was not enough, she left him with her four children and moved home to Miami, got a job driving a school bus and soon became the first woman realtor in Miami. She pursued her love of art taking oil and acrylic paint classes at night.
My mom had secrets. Unhappy events that molded her. It gave her a rough edge, which showed up in her child-rearing. It was difficult to understand her as a young woman and the result was conflict and alienation.
Yet, looking back she always got me. She was hard on me, but she was my "go to" shoulder to cry on. She was so smart. Yet, she was the product of the events of her life and unlike me she developed a strong shell. I was always transparent and "sensitive", as though this was a dis-ease. It wasn't until later in my life that I saw this "sensitivity " for what it was. A Gift. The ability to feel deeply. But, in the beginning nothing but shame was attached to it. And fear, as I was also very sensitive to other peoples feeling, even when they weren't.
From as far back as I can remember, I felt bruised by words and actions of others until I embraced this gift. I realized that in my sensitivity was my strength.
I see now that she did the best she could. And I couldn't be more grateful for the good times. And through my spiritual learning there is nothing that ever happened that was beyond forgiving. Nothing. It just was what it was. My mom was brilliant, she was funny, elegant, an artist, someone I always admired as did many other Goddesses. And I miss her deeply.
So today I celebrate my Mom! May she rest in Peace and Love. May she live in my heart forever. May she know that I loved her to the best of my ability and I thank her for bringing me to this earth at this time. I thank her for my looks :), my travel addiction, my Art background, my strength and whether she likes it or not, my sensitivity.
Love and Light to you Mom! Happy Mother's Day!
