Producing Video at the Gracious Age of Seventy

It is a GREY and misty day out today. I was out early for my feral fix. It was warm and still dry. There were so many birds around and the bird feeders were empty. So I filled them and watched the unferals race around like their tails were on fire. Funny kitties! I messed with a few plants, and  threw dirt into the comppost. I had planned to walk but it became dull and rainy. Even the cats don't want to walk in it. 

I spent time editing a video on capcut. It is like rewiring your brain. I can't describe it any other way. Young people get right in there and create these amazing videos and here's the thing. They did not just sit down and make the video. Their brain is trained differently. They learned early to edit. Could be a life hack!!

 Todays video edit was easier than its been. Still not easy but getting there. And the end result, though not perfect, is smoother. An improvement, for sure. I have been working at creating good video for almost three years, I think. I can remember saying out loud, "I will never do video", and here I am doing it. I have created over 200 videos on my phone. Staggering!!

It is hard in the beginning for the Ageless to video ourselves. It is because we are not supposed to be self-admiring. And we do that as we begin sharing ourselves in video. We are super conscious of how we imagine we are supposed to look. Actually how we see ourselves in the mirror is not how you may see us. It's a thing.

 I remember the first hundred or so pictures of myself -just pictures-after I turned 50 and how I found something wrong with every one of them. I suddenly became a critic of my appearence and it was never nice. And then I'd think, "well that isn't good, I don't look professional, smart, pretty, courageous, likable"and so much more. What finally convinced me to push the "share" button was being reminded that this is how others see me everyday. When I am not looking in a mirror, this is what I look like, so get used to it. Find something else to fret about.

It was tough. And then came the videos. They seemed so fake to me. But, when I worked with my coach on the first video project for nurses, she helped by editing the videos and when I saw them, I was impressed. I thought, "I'd listen to this person". 

Suddenly, I liked the videos. I listened to the whole program as we put it together and what I wasn't noticing was how my hair looked or my makeup. I was seeing the gift in what I was sharing in the program.  It is the content that really matters. And I have content to share. Even that came as a surprise to me.

Here's the thing, when you get to a certain age, you can't be thinking , "I didn't do much in my life, I don't have any qualities, I don't have anything to share". That is a lie! Every woman that has reached a certain age has been through something that another younger woman thinks she will not survive. 

These are your gifts, your shares. These are some of the things I share in video. And it stimulates my creative juices. It also reminds me that I too have lived through events. I hate using the word but I have 'survived' and there is always a story in those decisions and bumps in the road of my life. Those are what books are made of.  

So when you are ready to do video shares, don't be afraid!

Be Brilliant! Be Courageous! Save a life with your story!

Am I enough?

Again, I am learning something new or more advanced at 70+.

 

 Is it because I feel bored? 

Is there some kind of expectation that because I am Cis Ahearn, that I will finally find something other than nursing that I am successful at?

Have I not met my purpose by being a nurse for 50+ years, traveling all over the world, doing most outdoor snow sports, working out at some of the most amazing health clubs in the USA, been at yoga since I was 21, and on and on? 

Who am I trying to please?

 Who am I trying to impress? 

Retiring and the following 4 years, while interesting, was mostly a disaster with my funds. I can't lie, I followed a few rabbits down a few holes. Bad holes. But, I keep getting up, brushing off my butt or my knees and taking off again. The most important thoughts about this have been about gratitude. It is how I managed.

I mean, who am I to complain? I have a roof over my head, I live in my dream location. I have food in my fridge and cabinets. Warm water to shower in. I have clothing for winter weather. A car. Gasoline in my tank. And so much more. I believe I have enough.  

My rules about this may be the challenge. 

Is having "enough" enough? 

Maybe I hold the bar too low. Maybe if I was a person who thought they needed more of everything, I might have more....of everything. 

Somewhere I learned that I never had enough. That I was never enough. And I will grant you, that value came from me. I fought hard, I put up with a lot of criticism, complaints and negative feedback on who I was supposed to be vs who I wanted to be. But, especially with family, it  and I were never enough. Not a doctor, not married,  not a book producer, not enough. 

So to keep my head above water, I did a lot!! I kept in perpetual motion. I travelled, I moved for jobs in all sorts of places. I drove cross-country over 15 times. I met so many people who typically, I would pick their brains, "what makes you tick", "what makes you so successful" and so many more questions all to prove to myself I wasn't enough and that the answers are out there, I just need to ask the right person the right question and I would be enough.

I have had times where I did have "everything". I great job (many actually), money in the bank and in an 401K, a home, clothes, trips, cars, and I was happy mostly. Maybe I didn't appreciate it enough. I know I was grateful for the gifts. I was grateful for the experiences-good and not so good. But, was I enough?

I even taped the words, "I Am Enough!" over my bed in a little attic room I rented one a month vacation I took to Steamboat Springs. I had started a new training, "Robbins-Madanas Training" on strategic Intervention and Life Coaching. I had already spent 8 years in the Tony Robbins environment as a participant, volunteer and Senior Leader. I was still asking questions and still not enough.

I think somewhere deep inside me, there is some little thing someone said or did that is buried like a burr in my soul, saying "you will never amout to anything". I remember where those words came from. 

How could I after all these years give any power to them, considering where they came from? That barbed arrow went deep. But, is it true? 

Am I enough? 

And according to who's rules?

 Does feeling 'not enough' explain my lack of follow through, my lack of financial stability, my lack of self worth? 

I can't say it is a result of not searching for answers, I have been on the hunt for decades. 

Therapy, coaching, time alone in the wild, on the road, on the beach. 

I require down time, I always have and it helps to ground me for sure! 

But, has it answered the question for me? 

Has it unplugged the barb?

 Am I enough?

https://bit.ly/CisAhearn

Reflections in their eyes-Ageless Strength comes from Us

 

We are always talking about what it takes to be 'healthy'. As ageless women, we still carry the expectation that we must be buff, beautiful, fit, an elder athlete. We celebrate when we see this in octogenarians running a marathon, biking in the Alps, and so on. I used to think that I would always be athletic. I had a passion for working out, biking, running, snow sports, swimming and yoga from as far back as I can remember.

 The benefit wasn't just being 'healthy' it was how I learned to deal with stress, anger, disappointment and depression. I needed help with those things when I was younger.

 For many years, I worked out in a club 3-5 days a week. I would ride my bike in between or I'd run. As a Traveler, it was how I got to know whatever new city I was working in. I always found a club to work out it and at the worst, bike paths and running paths. I was also driven by the unspoken demands of  a society that said, 'you are not enough, be more'. 

I don't regret the drive to be all that, I just don't miss it much. I see women running or biking and I literally can feel what it felt like, as though I am them. I feel the pull in my quads, the deep breathing, the internal focus, my abs. But, I do not miss it. And I give up beating myself up for it everyday I don't run or ride or work out. We are allowed our phases in life. When we say, "I have done it all", at this age, we have. Our years were not wasted. Our lives as Boomers were learning years. In order to navigate the world of change, we were forced (chose) to grow. To be dramatically different than the lives of our Mothers, at least, that is what we thought. 

Whether we were single, married, divorced, widowed, childless, mothers, we are women of change, of great value and wisdom. If we were given a chance to look back at each year of our earlier lives, there would be a lesson (or five) that we learned by choice or otherwise each year. 

We are here today to recognize the wisdom of the millions of lessons we have learned including the ones we don't give ourselves credit for. And to let go, let loose the hold that these lessons( old beliefs, regrets, resentments) have on us and open up to a more meaningful golden age life.

We are here to be sages, mentors, teachers, coaches for the generations of women who came into this world of confusion, paradoxes and controls. We must stand up and say what we know to be true with confidence. Not just to our daugthers, but to all young women. 

I'll share a story. Many years ago a friend called me from the bathroom of a labor and delivery unit. She was so upset, her youngest daugther was have a baby and she did not know what to do. I said to her, "Look in the mirror, pal. This is the face you are sharing with her right now. The face she needs to see is the warrior women, the natural birth mom. She is looking to you for strength,not fear reflected back." She said two words, "Got it!" We have the strength. It is in all of us!!!

So the next time you feel yourself withdraw, when what you really want to do is step up, do it! There is an incredible power within you to rise up and stand tall. Use it. "Be the change you wish to see." 

They are not looking for their own reflection in our eyes, they are looking for the strength in yours. 

Growing older with Grace and Unconditional SelfLove

I am immeasurably happy. I am so grateful for this shift to what is really important today. When I decided to really go nuts over my hair and cut out the unreal, the face that shined through just filled me with self love. I finally, unconditionally love who I am. How did I come to this? When I look in the mirror I see a lifetime of learning. I see well earned smile lines. I see a sparkling minx in my eyes. I see a silver crown of hair that I have hidden from myself for 30 years of color.

It is like waking up to sunshine on your face on a cold day. I get it. I have got it to give. It is a totally consuming feeling of deep love within. As I sit here looking out at this beautiful space I get to call home, I am in Love with every tree, leaf, rock, bird and the blue sky. All the gifts right here in front of my face. And it fills me and I want to burst with gratitude. How lucky am I to have all that I want and more?!?!?

According to my stars I am here in service to mankind-I had my astrological chart read in college. I did not understand it for so long, yes, I am a nurse and life coach, but , what took a long time to realize is-where my purpose grows is not always evident and I may never know where I have impacted a life. Yet every act of kindness, every smile shared with a stranger has an impact. Every moment of calm in a storm offers a gift when offered from the heart. I spent so much time fighting this belief  being angry and hiding the sweetness of myself inside for fear of discovery. But no more. Service to humankind is about loving others beyond belief, beyond our pre-concieved, hallucinated viewpoint of others. So simple, just love. Find one small thing about another person you might rather dislike and smile and be kind. I find that this brings out the Angel in everyone, maybe not right then, but soon.

 I live in gratitude and love for every person who has ever crossed my path, for the lessons I learned and un-learned as a result of your presence in my life. I love you still.

 Just one tender act changes lives.