Before You Judge, Read This

 

Who Are We to Judge?

Who are we to judge? Who are we to shame?

Every interaction involves two personalities—mine and someone else’s. Who they are, and who I am. And more importantly, how I choose to respond or react.

But what about the people who feel entitled to shame others? What gives them the right to call me, or anyone else, shameful or a disgrace to my profession simply because I choose to share what I believe?

Do they think I speak carelessly, without thought or conviction? Do they assume that because they disagree with me, I must be uninformed, reckless, or even dangerous? What compels them to believe that disagreement justifies disrespect? That their feelings give them license to insult, to label, to diminish?

Who are they to judge me?

I could ask the same of myself. When I share my own thoughts—whether about life, society, or even politics—am I, in my own way, guilty of the same thing? Am I shaming others without realizing it? Do I believe, deep down, that I am more educated, more informed, more rational than those who see the world differently?

It’s a fine line, isn’t it?

For example, I may not fully understand why someone feels the need to change their gender, but who am I to say they are wrong? And yet, if I say, "Well, if someone can feel they were meant to be a different gender, then why can't I say I was meant to have a different body—one with a flatter stomach and larger breasts—and have the government pay for it?"—am I questioning the principle, or am I diminishing someone else’s experience?

And if I ask that question, does that mean I deserve to be shamed, called names, or dismissed as ignorant?

What drives people to react with such hostility, rather than curiosity?

Maybe it’s fear. Fear that their own beliefs might be challenged. Fear that if they don’t attack first, they might have to examine their own convictions more closely.

Maybe it’s ego. The need to be right, to feel superior, to prove a point at any cost.

Or maybe, just maybe, they’ve forgotten that disagreement doesn’t have to mean disrespect.

It’s easy to judge. It’s harder to listen. It’s easy to attack. It’s harder to pause and reflect.

Maybe the real challenge isn’t in having the right answers, but in being willing to sit with the discomfort of not knowing.

Maybe the true strength isn’t in proving a point, but in asking better questions.

Maybe, just maybe, judgment isn’t our job.

Maybe, kindness is.

Why We Do the Things We Do!

What if there was a way to figure out WHY we do the things we do? Why we get blocked, why we get angry over the little things, why we hurt for no reason? What if in a few days, weeks or months you could be guided to release these beliefs and find peace!! What if along the way you would learn easy tools to handle those old beliefs in a NEW way? Would that be worth it? Would having more peace, self love, understanding be worth it? Are you worth it?

 Understanding Why We Do the Things We do! Life happens and sometimes we wonder, “Why did I do that?” Or, “why did he/she do this?” It becomes second nature to question ourselves and, really, for no good reason. We do what we do because it is how we learned to do what we do. Does this mean there is no hope? Of course not!!! It means that as you become aware of those things that you wish you’d done a different way, you now have the power to look more closely at it and find a new way to handle it in the future. Now that you are looking at it, it will show itself often and you will get the chance to practice your new way of “handling” it and, hopefully get a more meaningful outcome. I know this seems simple and it is. Just like with any new idea, it takes practice and a little getting used to. You may run into things like, “hey, why are you acting like that” or, “you’re NOT mad?!” Sometimes there will be an expectation of how you will act, even a trigger response will want to fire. But now that you are aware, it becomes so much easier to respond in a new and healthier way. Suddenly you are present and this gives you more choices and that feels good. And it honors who you are. 

But, back to WHY we do the things we do. We have been programed our whole lives by the lessons we had as children, not only by the events but how we interpreted them. As a child one may have been nipped by a dog and decided from then on that all dogs bite, therefore, I HATE DOGS. Later in life you might fall in love with this super special person and everything is going great and they invite you to dinner at their house where they will be cooking you a fabulous meal. Low and behold, you are greeted and drooled over by a huge fluffy mop of a dog with whom your soul mate is also superbly connected to. Is it time to bolt or to change your belief system around dogs? We get programed early in life, and, many times we create rules around our ‘experiences’ that create beliefs that can keep us from growing and learning and flowing with the nature of life. How many people have you encountered that say or behave as though they’re stuck in an old story? Maybe they are repeating a pattern you recognize because you’ve known them through a few cycles of this pattern. Our tendency is to back off and say, “Oh for the love of Pete, get over it!” What we need to understand is that they’d love to get over it but they are stuck in the story, the emotion that is attached to it and they  they don’t know how to get out. They need a better understanding of why they do the thing they do. This is what a great coach can do for you. Help you to find a way out of this disillusioning, paralyzing  and energy consuming pattern. It takes understanding, courage and desire to create a healthier way to handle life. And there are many ways to do this. Having someone to guide you and coach you to your own outcomes is the fastest and easiest way. 

A few tips:

1 Is this about me?

2 How can I help?

3 Is it time to step back?

4 How can I serve the greater good?

Turn off your FKG TV and do the research-TEN TIPS ON STAYING ALIVE

To say I'm angry, is just the old tip of the iceberg. I hate being angry and I dislike hate even more. But, I have been doing the research on many levels about our most recent flu outbreak-COVID-19. IT'S MINDNUMBING AND ONE-SIDED. SCIENCE KNOWS ALL.

There is a shitload of information. The one thing I find appalling and beyond belief is the lack of real information about prevention and reasonable preventative everyday things that we can do to help. Just yesterday the CDC finally updated it's site with hand-washing, isolation!(really, some of us must pay our bills, in other words, leave our homes to go to work-if we're not in the hospitality and travel business. Those people are trying to figure out how they will be paying for their life) and STOP HUGGING LOVED ONES!!!!

It was kind of the CDC to remind us-in fact-re-educate us in the art of Handwashing. Bravo!! And a special thanks out to Ellen DeGeneres for demonstrating early on the art of handwashing.

What makes this virus so different than the usual flu? Not much, it spreads the same way, it attacks the elderly and immuno-suppressed the same way, it has the same symptoms. The big difference is it was wholey blown out of preportion in the beginning. We have little research on how rapidly and profoundly flu's have spread in the past. The example of  Wuhun is what it looks like when a small flu virus mutates and spreads in an area of the world that has a LOT going on. It is the hub of the chinese hi-tech research, scientific research ( alarm bells) and more:

 " three national development zones, four scientific and technologic development parks, over 350 research institutes, 1,656 hi-tech enterprises, numerous enterprise incubators and investments from 230 Fortune Global 500 firms" Focus on Wuhun-Government of Canada

Is it any wonder that the chinese scientific community was on it ? It was not contained because Denial was the name of the game. As we know the first chinese physician to  recognize the problem was booed right out of there early on and eventually succumbed to the virus (according to the news). We also know that when a quanantine was announced hundreds of people left the area (not knowing they possibly carried the virus with them). Common sense. Mass hysteria does that. 

And here is a really great statistic-it is predicted that 95% will survive.Compared to cancer:

Almost 10 Million people die from cancer annually.

"Cancer is one of the world's largest health problems. The Global Burden of Disease estimates that 9.56 million people died prematurely as a result of cancer in 2017. Every sixth death in the world is due to cancer."

Okay, so I can go on and on. Here is what I do want to share. If you want to remain as healthy through this cytokine storm (the reaction that happens when the virus gets going in the body) there are a few things you can do.

1. Stop stressing-it decreases your immune system.
2. Stay rested
3. Wash your hands
4. Increase your Vitamin C-up to 2500mg a day or more
5. Get exercise.
6. Get out in the sunshine.
7. Be kind to one another.
8. Zinc tablets
9. Tonic water (quinine based)
10. Turn off the fucking TV and do you own research.

Beliefs and Decisions

"No Belief is neutral. Every one has the power to dictate each decision we make. For a decision is a conclusion based on everything that we believe." ACIM

Thoughts come from our beliefs. When we think, "she is...., or, he should..." we base that thought on a belief created by our ego. At some point in our lives this belief may have appeared to protect us and, yet, we carry it into many situations. It may be a belief created in our peer group.

As I child I was bit by a dog, I was in the fourth grade. I believed for many years that all dogs were biters and so I stayed clear of them. I did not trust even the best of dogs for fear that they would turn on me and bite me unprevoked. Today I know differently and have loved many dogs belonging to friends (I became a cat person as a result of this belief) and I feel a kindred spirit to most dogs I meet. They are all creatures of God and with love become friends to all and devotees to their owners.

"Men are all the same". This is a truth as we are all the same inside. We all have a light within us that is flowing from God that is a likeness to one another. We may have beliefs to the contrary, such as, "I attract men that always leave me", or "You can't trust men". These are beliefs we created at some point in out lives based on our experiences and rather than look to the light in them (and letting them go) we assume "all men are alike". The problem resides outside ourselves, we think. It's him/her. The truth is, it is a belief we created. Not all men are alike, some are tall, some are dark haired, some have beards, some are thinkers, some are doers, some exercise, some are readers, yet at their core there is a child of God, born into this world to love and be loved. Many are in our lives to help us to learn how to love and be loved. Some are here to teach us to love ourselves. And this applies to all our relationships.

Beliefs can and do change in time. Who we are at our core never changes. What surprises us often is the unrecognized beliefs we have. Those are the ones that come unasked for. Those are the ones that come as secrets, "where the results of conflict are kept unknown and never brought  to reason."ACIM   We don't know (or acknowledge) why we are angry, hurt, shamed, or feel attacked. But the ego does and it is kept a secret until we bring it to light. We ask, "Why is this happening to me? "or "What did I do wrong?". And that may be as far as we are willing to explore.

Conflict has no resolution, it is the egos way to keep us from looking in. It is the secret enemy of peace. It is your choice to attack rather than to love. It makes us righteous, indignant, closed, even violent. And it solves nothing other than to create separation from our fellow humans, and from the nature of God. We war outloud, we war inside ourselves and for what? It is insane to think that this state of conflict can bring anything but suffering. And we must recognise that it is a choice we make. Therefore, we can chose another.

It is when we are willing to look deeper and examine these choices, through coaching, meditating and the many other opportunities to dig deep,  that the answers appear and can be released and peace can abide in your heart and your life. Whether you take small steps or leaps of Faith, there is peace to be found. Profound and lasting peace. And once found yours to share through love and kindness and understanding.

When conflict happens, when a belief shows and you are lost as to why it appears, here are a few questions to ask yourself:

• What is really going on here?
• How can I see this differently?
• What is my belief that makes me think this?
• How can I appreciate this situation in truth?
• What am I willing to learn from this?
• How can I love beyond this moment?

Examine the color green today.

 Appreciate the many shades of it. It is of God and in you. 

Enjoy the Vertical Flow!

Love and Light!

Conflict Truth

Definition of  "Conflict: Friction or opposition resulting from actual or perceived differences or incompatibilities."

There are some of us who grew up in families where conflict was a common event with disastrous results. Screaming, resentment, punishment among them. We grew up thinking this was normal and went out in the world with swords drawn and dripping with blood, fists bruised and bleeding and we thought this was normal. It was our way to resolve conflict as we knew it. It drew many of us into abusive relationships and behavior, it was our only defense against the world. We did not know any better. Many of us travelled a long time carrying this burden and some, realizing the meaningless caustic outcomes of this, learned new and empowering ways to resolve misunderstandings and conflict. Others of us became what I would call "addicted" to the feelings around conflicts, mainly anger and resentment. Even now, as I learn to release  anger and resentment there is a small part of me that yearns for a good fight, a screaming match, all that rage blossoming. The appeal for justice, the cry for righteousness. The fact is not a lot gets accomplished in this scenario but a lot of blood letting. A release of steam (the anger, resentment and fear). Yet it is familiar and deep somewhere in our darkness it feels good. That is the the Ego. 

Now as I study the Course in Miracles I find myself drawn back to some of those old wars and conflicts to examine them through a different lens. Some of the statements are hard to grasp yet in examining them I know that there is another way to see the world. The Book says that conflict is meaningless. This is powerful to think about because it calls for us to really look at conflict and to release our preconceived idea of the outcome. Most conflict has little to do with what is happening at the moment, but is a cannon ball of events in our lives accumulated into one big ego bomb that shows up any time we feel invalidated. Sometimes this is the only way we can feel alive because we have loss sight of Love and Joy and Laughter.  It is like we are swimming through the mud of this craziness in our world rather than taking a boat or paddleboard over it through our prayers and lovingness. 

Conflict is not understandable. Can anyone make sense of it? Examination, on the other hand, brings understanding and appreciation  which brings Love. Understanding may take work and separation from the conflict, yet, the outcome of this learning is resolution and peace. And sometime understanding just means that you do not agree and can still appreciate the humaness of another. 

What this world needs right now is more appreciation of others. Inside everyone of us is this bright and beautiful flame of Love. From the moment of conception on we have had this flame and it is always there inside as we develop into the person we are today. Fanning that flame brings more light and love to you, holding it back keeps you mired in the mud and darkness. Look for the light in others and you will see the light in you. 

I see the Light in you!