When I have an inbalance in a relationship with a friend or family member, I withdraw. I used to do it because I felt responsible, ashamed, hurt. I needed the quiet to lick my wounds. And then I grew up some.
We are all fallible at some point or another. Sometines we carry around this bag of rocks , each a witness to a time when we showed our unfavorable side or the other person did. Which ever, many of us turned it into a rock and added it to the bag. Others, God Bless them, let things go like water off a ducks back, especially with spouses.
The rocks represent the slights, the misunderstandings, the anger, the. regret, the resentments, all that stuff that actually takes away from our own goodness. And we let it. Because the feeling is familiar or maybe we have a desire to feel lousy (again, an old belief or story).
Then one day, the bag gets too heavy or explodes on someone not responsible for the pain. And we add that to the bag and keep trudging on until one day we set it down. Maybe someone says, "what are those rocks?" And you say, "What rocks?" Yet, deep down you know what they are talking about. You know because you have lived it. You remind yourself in certain circumstances how out they fly and bop someone on the head.
Here is where it becomes a struggle. When that bop on the head causes a chain reaction and they start throwing rocks too. It's a fire storm and when it ends, there are a lot of bruises and hurt feelings.And the bag isn't empty, you just pick up the rocks and shove them back in the bag because you don't want to feel it or examine the words or history of the rocks. It can be an unending cycle of dump, gather, run.
The gift of aging is that we eventually learn to put the bag down, have a seat and take out one rock at a time and examine it. You ask yourself questions lilke:
Why am I carrying this around with me?
Does it serve me?
Does it serve the greater good?
Did I create this to protect me at an earlier time?
Do I still need it or have I finally figured out that It doesn't serve me anymore?
Am I willing to let it go and grow?
Is there somewhere in my garden I can set it down and let it have a new life-without me?
And then, move on to the next one. Some of the rocks can be very big and we need help to decifer its meaning. And we go to friends and ask for advice. At this age there is great advice available. Sometimes we don't want to hear what our friends are saying or we need time. Sometimes we need help from outside our world, a coach or a therapist.
If we continue to throw the same rock (belief, story) over and over and aren't getting what we want we need to really look closely at what the story is around the rock. Maybe it was just a time in our lives. It isn't today. The past is over. We carry good memories (storys) as well, but do those story's control us as the rocks do? Do we get overwhelmed and dump love rocks when we are excited and happy?
I am not saying that rocks are not beautiful, I am saying they look better in the garden, in the creek, along the ocean, along the roadside, not in that bag on your back.
So the next time you are vomiting your rocks, stop yourself and ask, "Is this rock serving me anymore?" And if it isn't take a good look at it and thank it for it's work and let it go. Toss it in the river, out to sea, out the window, plant it in your yard. Make space for a new idea or opportunity to arise. Be grateful, be patient, open up to the possibilities, uncover more of your essence, be open to recieve, be available for more love, friendships, blessings. Just put that rock down.
